you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
