Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
