you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
