Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my shit smells like andre
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
