I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
