i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
