i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
