I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
