I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
