Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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