so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
