lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
