Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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