he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
