Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
