She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
