as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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