So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dick very happy bro
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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