I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
