somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
