It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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