Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
