There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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