So drunk its hurt
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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