just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize