Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
