It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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