It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize