Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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