He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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