um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
