tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
pray to the hookup gods
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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