He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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