piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize