dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
