How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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