I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
