i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
