There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drake has all the answers
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
