Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
