felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
