so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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