I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
