tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
