Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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