but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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