i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
