I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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