it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
