im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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