Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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