the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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