He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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