Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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