Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
