no, he came in my armpit
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
