I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
