On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
