Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
