Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
