my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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