Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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