; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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