Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
they need to just BURY HIM!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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