i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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