Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
