Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
