i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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