Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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