I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
