all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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