Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
