I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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