If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
