New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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