I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize