Got a toothbrush?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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