1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
