I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This house was built for laser tag.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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