I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
