did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
