I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
