figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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