meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
