Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize