I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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