One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
