The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize