Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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