I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
