Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
