Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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