I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
