thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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