What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
3 2 1 whiskey
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
A+ Viking dick
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
