it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize