I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
