my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
