2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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