bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
