SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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