I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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