She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize