I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
