were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
