I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
