if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
