i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
